Pulse

  • "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other..." Ecc.7:14a

My Ramblings

Monday, 26 October 2009

  •      Doors locked and lights turned off. This was the scene I came upon as I arrived home today coming from school. As usual, I was left to cherish the moment alone in our lonely, peaceful, dirty, but comfortable house. It has been 47 minutes since I opened my laptop and surfed for stuff on the internet and yet I still can't drag myself to undress and change my clothes. It's one lazy day for me.

         It's been really busy in my world since I stepped on to the third year of my college life. And I talk of "really busy" like I don't have time to eat a decent meal, sleep for at least 5 hours and check on my distant friends once in a while. I even skip brushing my teeth at night and barely have the time to comb my hair. hahah. True. But one thing that really saddens me is my continuous absence from church. I don't want to get used to spending seven straight days for myself.

         This morning, I had to wake up at 3 o'clock to be able to arrive school at 4. The morning show Umagang Kay Ganda was held in our campus. I was there by 4:05. Streets were still dark and empty. I had to stay calm and steady though I was having a bad headache for not being able to sleep. I had to fulfill the desires of my heart to become once again a multitasking person who wants nothing but to put everything into balance but unfortunately can't. 

         And there I arrived at school with the guard telling me to enter the gate (where I was supposedly not allowed to enter to) because they were already waiting for me.

    "Miss, bilisan niyo po. Dito na kayo dumaan. Hinihintay na nila kayo."

         Surprised to hear that, I looked around and was even more surprised to see no one but me. So I didn't hesitate to enter and act as if I was a VIP. hahah. It was so early that my classmates were not able to make it to school yet. I went straight to our main bldg. and headed for the wash room. I went inside the cubicle but had nothing to release. There was no flush too.

         At about 4:15 I went to the pavilion and waited some more. I didn't sit for there was no one I knew well to be beside me without those awkward moments. About some time later I spotted someone familiar at a distance. I saw that black and pink jacket and thought if it was one of the two people I knew who had that jacket. And it was. Andrea. :) Finally, we settled for seats and reserved for the others.

         After some time, the morning show started at around 5:15. Everyone was enthusiastic at first but didn't have that energy to participate even in shouting the chant that we were supposed to yell. Everyone was as sleepy as I was I guess.

     




        We had some exposure on screen too. hahah. These were some snapshots this morning. I had little time to take pictures though. My friends have a lot. I could use some and upload here some other time.

        The event lasted for almost 5 hours. My energy drained and left me sleeping as the show was about to end. We still attended classes after but I wasn't able to keep up and tolerated my sleepy eyes to shut.


         As I mentioned earlier, I was surfing on my laptop. Yeah, after the very long wait, I already have my very own laptop. Finally! It took my father to save for so long since we are not a rich family and we can't afford to buy anything just as when we need it.
        We bought my laptop on October 16, 2009 at PC Corner in Gilmore.  It's an MSI EX460. It's a new release actually. Here's the specs:

    Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo T6600 2.20 Ghz
    Operating System: Windows 7 Ultimate
    Chipset: SISĀ® 672DX+SISĀ® 968
    Memory: DDR2 800 4G
    LCD Display: 14" 1366x768 HD, LED Display
    Video: ATi Mobility Radeon HD 4330, DDR2 512MB Dedicated
    HDD: 250 GB
    Optical: Super-Multi DVD Drive
    Webcam: 1.3 MP
    Communication Port:
          Built-in 10/100 Ethernet LAN
          Built-in 802.11b/g/n WLAN Card
    I/O Ports:
          D-Sub X 1
          USB2.0 Port X 3
          Mic-in Port X 1
          Headphone Output X 1
          LAN Port X 1
          Express Card X 1



Thursday, 26 March 2009

  • Happy Birthday Cathy!

         It was past 20 minutes after 8 in the morning when my mobile rang to wake me up. I turned the alarm off and forced to open my sleepy eyes. I kept re-uttering the sentence "Huwag kang matutulog ulit Ayel!" telling myself not to get back to sleep because I might not wake up on time. I knew it was a bit early. My first class was at 11:00 and I usually wake up 1 hour and 30 minutes before the class starts. I hurriedly rolled out of bed and went for my computer. The other alarm I set was resounding but I heard only soft buzzes. I remembered I transferred the audio on to the headphones. I didn't have time to yawn or stretch. I went straight to my business: the routine of waking up my vip. This routine has somewhat helped me get my sleepy head out of bed at once.
         It was that early when my best friend Cathy went on-line. I greeted her a happy birthday at once but got the reply after 5 minutes or more. I was supposed to greet her at exactly 12:00 in the morning but I didn't afford to stay awake. Fatigue is the term. I had not been getting adequate (or should I say none at all) sleep these past few days due to school works, responsibilities, social life, and stuff I want to include in my so-busy life.
         After an hour, I had to get bathed and dressed. I finished at 10 but I was still packing my stuff for school. I had to see if I could wrap the present for Cathy. I tested it but to my surprise it was a defective stock. I refrained from getting mad and went on to my best resort for that moment, the denial stage. I had to make up things to make myself feel any better. Bottom line: I wasted money.
         I was not in reality when I came to school. In fact, I was like out of the world. My mind was wandering. I gave ambiguous replies to anyone who talked to me about school and stuff. I focused my mind on the birthday and the present. I had no breakfast and dinner the night before and so my stomach was aching so bad. I tried all my best not to get the people around me involved in my angst. I wanted to keep everything to myself. The truth is, I am feeling so sad, confused, and overly tired. I don't understand why I had to burn my energy up and make sacrifices when at the end it won't be needed. I hate this scene. It kept recurring. It's never fun to experience this and it's neither okay. Why is it that whenever I give my best and my all, everything seems to play a joke on me?  Call me emotional, exaggerated, or whatever you like but I just feel it's unfair. I want to burst into tears but I know it wouldn't do any good. I want to move on but still I'm hurt and I'm not the type who'll get by just like that. People around me tell me to stop worrying and just forget what happened but I can't. Not for them and not even for myself. I can't give me reasons to stop the sadness I felt and I am still feeling. It's just so deep. Maybe I need my helper, I need time. I've been running out of it lately.
         Despite everything, nothing had to stop the essence of my bestfriend's 18th birthday. I had to make everything go fine. I went straight to Gateway, Cubao to meet up with Christine and buy another gift for the birthday girl. Cathy was expecting me to acompany her in buying new clothes for their outing tomorrow but I told her I was still at school, busy, but in fact we were on our way to their house. She was surprised when we arrived but not as happy as I imagined her to be. She was problematic. She insisted on getting those new clothes even after convincing her to stay at home. Her parents were not at home. I was so excited to meet his father once again after quite some time but they unexpectedly left just before we arrived. Cathy put on her newly opened gift from me and Christine and brought us with her to Cubao. It was quite late and she had no time for her shopping ritual which normally lasted for three hours. In the end, she bought something not on her plan.We stopped by Pizza Hut to grab a regular sized pizza before getting home.
         It was an ordinary day from a common point of view but for me it was something special. I felt her birthday more than her. As I expected, she didn't want to officially admit her aging. Like me, she didn't want it to be that fast. As I kept on repeating the "happy birthday" phrase, she kept on replying the same thing telling me that it wasn't her birthday, "not yet".
         I should've had no time to rant about these but since it's a special day I wanted to let these all out. Maybe, just maybe, I would feel any better.
         Good night.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

  • Christmas Eve

         The real essence of Christmas does not concern the gifts, the brotherhood, or even the food. It is Christ himself who should be recognized and proclaimed at this season. Christmas means Christ died for our sins.

         It's Christmas Eve and I am writing my latest blog entry. I've been very busy this month. - busy with school, friends, birthdays, and other stuff. A lot has happened. A lot indeed. hahah.

         From Christine's surprise birthday celebration, to my very own birthday, to the term's end, and to Christmas, there has been a lot. Well, that night of November 19 was so fun. We had so much fun surprising our dear friend Christine. Cathy, Rochelle, and me took the pleasure of being accomplices since her cousin Jackie had the idea. That day was a real busy day for me. From school, I headed on to meet up with Rochelle and Cathy and went straight to Mall of Asia since we were unsure of the exact meeting place. When we got there, we had to take the taxi to the venue not knowing how close it was to the mall. hahah. But anyway, we succeeded in surprising her. She was at shock and speechless. hahah. We then went to the market for some seafood. That was at Dampa by the way.



         Since that evening, I had been thinking of planning for my own birthday celebration. There had to be a lot of changes on the plans from time to time and it got to the point where I wanted to give up and cancel everything. But thank God everything went just right in the end. The planning came along with tons of school works, papers, and projects. I didn't have the time to finish the invitations. Up to now some are still with me...unfinished. These are still quite a number. But it doesn't matter anymore since the party is over.
         I admit I have been a little disappointed with what turned out but I still am grateful with the smooth flow of the program. It just wasn't what I had in mind when I was planning for that big day. Though I didn't exactly turn 18 at that moment, I felt really different after that. The day after December 12, I felt I had to do more things, think about different things, and realize things in a broader point of view. I was really touched with my friends' and classmates' appearance that night. I wished that night didn't end so soon.


         I had to attend two more debut parties after my very own. I attended the next but failed to attend the third because of school matters. Since it was the last week of school and it was final examination week, I just had to stay home and get ready for the Monday.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

  • November Fever

         This month was pretty much of a burden to me. I had to get sick, feel tired, feel lonely, and just wanted to stop whatever I am doing. I had been planning to post an entry since my brother's birthday but then I didn't get to start it. It's been 10 days. I have been wanting the time to move a bit slower. I'm wanting to make the most of my days before I turn to a year older. There's just too much happening.


         October 26. It was a Sunday. It was the time when we were able to go to church together as a family after almost 2 months. I have not been attending church since the day my mom's arthritis went so bad. And since we have no private car and our church was too far, it was hard for my mom to get there. Those days were the times I've been questioning what was happening to my world. Everyday, I would come home late from school due to my lame schedule combined with the bonding times with my friends at school. I would come home hungry but would have nothing to eat. If there is something to eat, it would not be a satisfying meal. What's worse was I needed to wash dishes before I could eat and it was already past 10 in the evening. I arrive home tired but I force myself not to sleep because I have a lot to do. I patiently wait for the food but to my hunger I can't work because I can't think. I always ended up sleeping at school.


         That Sunday made a difference to our drowning lives. We went to SM Marikina together and shopped at the supermarket. This was the latest we've been to the grocery store together. My dad and brother used to wait outside or go ahead during these times but that day was different.

     

         November 9. It was my brother's 19th birthday, another Sunday. We headed to Robinson's Metro East after church. My dad bought an electric guitar package for our church. That day made me hopeful yet sad. Before, when my brother's birthday comes, I get excited for mine. Now is much different. I am finding the reason for enjoying my birthday. I wanted my friends to be there. Too bad, those who I really wanted to be there are somewhat impossible to invite. They're on other countries and I don't think I am that special for them to spend thousands just to attend my birthday.


         I just feel like I haven't done things that I should've done before. I don't want to grow old without anything to be proud of. It's much like wasting the precious times the Lord has given me. "What am I doing with my life right now?" - that's a question I've been asking myself lately. I initially wanted to blog because I want to share my daily experiences to inspire others and be a living epistle of the Lord. I don't feel that I'm doing it. :(


         My mother has nothing else in mind but my celebration. I am so touched and glad that she's giving her very best for me. But as she nags me to update things and do these I feel the pressure pressing harder on me. We attended a 7th Royal Birthday party last November 8. And since then, my mom didn't stop talking about stuff like those. I could tell her over excitement because she has not experience these things when she was my age. All I wanted was a simple celebration where the special persons in my life are there with me. How can I ever do that when the person I miss the most can't come and (I guess) never will.

         Oh well, it's November 19 today and it's Christine Marie V. Bowman's 18th birthday. :) I don't know what will be happening. Happy birthday Christine! God bless you always. I know you have a lot in mind right now as I do but whatever those are, lift them up to the Lord and he'll take control. I love you ^_^
        I still have a class. Bye for now.

    Currently
    Feedback
    By Janet Jackson
    see related
  • Visit ayelmonceller's Xanga Site
    • Name: Ayel
    • Birthday: 12/15/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 5/27/2006

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

Chatboard (11)

  • CMVB
    HEY AYEL! WHEN WILL YOUR DEBU PARTY START? IN THE AFTERNOON OR IN THE EVENING? ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! GOD BLESS YOU:D
    • Posted 11/26/2008 11:32 AM
    • by CMVB
  • princearif
    hey...thank you for dropping by my page...check out my real blog at http://arifsblackbook.blogspot.com
  • ayelmonceller
    Hi fatheen! Thanks for dropping by my page. ^_^
web counter
Welcome visitor number
counter free hit unique web Site Meter