Doors locked and lights turned off. This was the scene I came upon as I arrived home today coming from school. As usual, I was left to cherish the moment alone in our lonely, peaceful, dirty, but comfortable house. It has been 47 minutes since I opened my laptop and surfed for stuff on the internet and yet I still can't drag myself to undress and change my clothes. It's one lazy day for me.

     It's been really busy in my world since I stepped on to the third year of my college life. And I talk of "really busy" like I don't have time to eat a decent meal, sleep for at least 5 hours and check on my distant friends once in a while. I even skip brushing my teeth at night and barely have the time to comb my hair. hahah. True. But one thing that really saddens me is my continuous absence from church. I don't want to get used to spending seven straight days for myself.

     This morning, I had to wake up at 3 o'clock to be able to arrive school at 4. The morning show Umagang Kay Ganda was held in our campus. I was there by 4:05. Streets were still dark and empty. I had to stay calm and steady though I was having a bad headache for not being able to sleep. I had to fulfill the desires of my heart to become once again a multitasking person who wants nothing but to put everything into balance but unfortunately can't. 

     And there I arrived at school with the guard telling me to enter the gate (where I was supposedly not allowed to enter to) because they were already waiting for me.

"Miss, bilisan niyo po. Dito na kayo dumaan. Hinihintay na nila kayo."

     Surprised to hear that, I looked around and was even more surprised to see no one but me. So I didn't hesitate to enter and act as if I was a VIP. hahah. It was so early that my classmates were not able to make it to school yet. I went straight to our main bldg. and headed for the wash room. I went inside the cubicle but had nothing to release. There was no flush too.

     At about 4:15 I went to the pavilion and waited some more. I didn't sit for there was no one I knew well to be beside me without those awkward moments. About some time later I spotted someone familiar at a distance. I saw that black and pink jacket and thought if it was one of the two people I knew who had that jacket. And it was. Andrea. :) Finally, we settled for seats and reserved for the others.

     After some time, the morning show started at around 5:15. Everyone was enthusiastic at first but didn't have that energy to participate even in shouting the chant that we were supposed to yell. Everyone was as sleepy as I was I guess.

 

    We had some exposure on screen too. hahah. These were some snapshots this morning. I had little time to take pictures though. My friends have a lot. I could use some and upload here some other time.

    The event lasted for almost 5 hours. My energy drained and left me sleeping as the show was about to end. We still attended classes after but I wasn't able to keep up and tolerated my sleepy eyes to shut.

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     As I mentioned earlier, I was surfing on my laptop. Yeah, after the very long wait, I already have my very own laptop. Finally! It took my father to save for so long since we are not a rich family and we can't afford to buy anything just as when we need it.
    We bought my laptop on October 16, 2009 at PC Corner in Gilmore.  It's an MSI EX460. It's a new release actually. Here's the specs:

Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo T6600 2.20 Ghz
Operating System: Windows 7 Ultimate
Chipset: SIS® 672DX+SIS® 968
Memory: DDR2 800 4G
LCD Display: 14" 1366x768 HD, LED Display
Video: ATi Mobility Radeon HD 4330, DDR2 512MB Dedicated
HDD: 250 GB
Optical: Super-Multi DVD Drive
Webcam: 1.3 MP
Communication Port:
      Built-in 10/100 Ethernet LAN
      Built-in 802.11b/g/n WLAN Card
I/O Ports:
      D-Sub X 1
      USB2.0 Port X 3
      Mic-in Port X 1
      Headphone Output X 1
      LAN Port X 1
      Express Card X 1

     It was past 20 minutes after 8 in the morning when my mobile rang to wake me up. I turned the alarm off and forced to open my sleepy eyes. I kept re-uttering the sentence "Huwag kang matutulog ulit Ayel!" telling myself not to get back to sleep because I might not wake up on time. I knew it was a bit early. My first class was at 11:00 and I usually wake up 1 hour and 30 minutes before the class starts. I hurriedly rolled out of bed and went for my computer. The other alarm I set was resounding but I heard only soft buzzes. I remembered I transferred the audio on to the headphones. I didn't have time to yawn or stretch. I went straight to my business: the routine of waking up my vip. This routine has somewhat helped me get my sleepy head out of bed at once.
     It was that early when my best friend Cathy went on-line. I greeted her a happy birthday at once but got the reply after 5 minutes or more. I was supposed to greet her at exactly 12:00 in the morning but I didn't afford to stay awake. Fatigue is the term. I had not been getting adequate (or should I say none at all) sleep these past few days due to school works, responsibilities, social life, and stuff I want to include in my so-busy life.
     After an hour, I had to get bathed and dressed. I finished at 10 but I was still packing my stuff for school. I had to see if I could wrap the present for Cathy. I tested it but to my surprise it was a defective stock. I refrained from getting mad and went on to my best resort for that moment, the denial stage. I had to make up things to make myself feel any better. Bottom line: I wasted money.
     I was not in reality when I came to school. In fact, I was like out of the world. My mind was wandering. I gave ambiguous replies to anyone who talked to me about school and stuff. I focused my mind on the birthday and the present. I had no breakfast and dinner the night before and so my stomach was aching so bad. I tried all my best not to get the people around me involved in my angst. I wanted to keep everything to myself. The truth is, I am feeling so sad, confused, and overly tired. I don't understand why I had to burn my energy up and make sacrifices when at the end it won't be needed. I hate this scene. It kept recurring. It's never fun to experience this and it's neither okay. Why is it that whenever I give my best and my all, everything seems to play a joke on me?  Call me emotional, exaggerated, or whatever you like but I just feel it's unfair. I want to burst into tears but I know it wouldn't do any good. I want to move on but still I'm hurt and I'm not the type who'll get by just like that. People around me tell me to stop worrying and just forget what happened but I can't. Not for them and not even for myself. I can't give me reasons to stop the sadness I felt and I am still feeling. It's just so deep. Maybe I need my helper, I need time. I've been running out of it lately.
     Despite everything, nothing had to stop the essence of my bestfriend's 18th birthday. I had to make everything go fine. I went straight to Gateway, Cubao to meet up with Christine and buy another gift for the birthday girl. Cathy was expecting me to acompany her in buying new clothes for their outing tomorrow but I told her I was still at school, busy, but in fact we were on our way to their house. She was surprised when we arrived but not as happy as I imagined her to be. She was problematic. She insisted on getting those new clothes even after convincing her to stay at home. Her parents were not at home. I was so excited to meet his father once again after quite some time but they unexpectedly left just before we arrived. Cathy put on her newly opened gift from me and Christine and brought us with her to Cubao. It was quite late and she had no time for her shopping ritual which normally lasted for three hours. In the end, she bought something not on her plan.We stopped by Pizza Hut to grab a regular sized pizza before getting home.
     It was an ordinary day from a common point of view but for me it was something special. I felt her birthday more than her. As I expected, she didn't want to officially admit her aging. Like me, she didn't want it to be that fast. As I kept on repeating the "happy birthday" phrase, she kept on replying the same thing telling me that it wasn't her birthday, "not yet".
     I should've had no time to rant about these but since it's a special day I wanted to let these all out. Maybe, just maybe, I would feel any better.
     Good night.